Where the fuck is Ely, Nevada? Brothels and beyond!

Memorial day weekend.  My 14 year old brother Christopher, my gassy father, and I all got in the car for a 10 hour drive to Ely, Nevada.  Where is Ely?  Here! Right next Utah, and I’m sure, an assload of Mormons.  Now some info:

Population: 4,049

The ratio of female to male is almost equal and 81% of the population is white/non-Hispanic. 

Elevation: 6427 ft

Land: 7.13 square miles

There is no Starbucks in Ely.  There is:

-one movie theatre that plays one movie a week

-one grocery store

-a McDonalds, Taco Time, and a Post Office

-Multiple casinos and hotels

-My mom, my grandmother, and my little brother Aiden-Jayce

Oh, how was the drive you ask?  Long as fuck…for the following reasons:

1. I had spent the night drinking/puking and was hungover the entire ride, I also hadnt brushed my teeth that morning or showered. Yum.

2. It was between 80-90 degrees at all times, some of the windows in my dads car are broken and do not roll down.

3. I attempted to sleep, but everytime I managed to drift off my dad would fart, and then roll up one of the few windows that worked(the passenger side window was one of the ones that didnt work).

4. My dad yells at other drivers and tailgates, and I get nervous while riding in the car, especially when we are going 90mph. 

We did make a few pitstops…

I believe this was in Austin, I swear these people must eat Bible’s because there are no restaurants, just churches and a gas station…and some closed down stores.

This was also in Austin, at a small second hand store.  The note reads: Who ever took my mothers clock please bring it back I bought it so I could see the time.  It’s all I have of my mother. -Jennie.

Jennie owns this store, I think the store was even called “Jennie’s” or something like that.  Jennie also writes like a 3rd grader.

One of the highlights of the long ass trip was the shoe tree…I remember stopping at the shoe tree every time we made the drive to Ely as a kid, its not really that exciting, but when your staring at the same desert landscape for hours a time, its nice to have a break..to look at shoes…on a tree.

My dad and I got out of the car(my brother was asleep), and my dad started shopping for new shoes..

Moments after he was done shopping, he decided to throw the shoe at the car.  My brother still didnt wake up.

White people are scary enough, but white people, in the desert, with guns? Eeek.

And finally, we made it to Ely.

This is basically, the entrance and exit of the city.  If your traveling from California, the photo on the left, is where you’d enter, the photo on the right is essentially the rest of the town.

The Hotel Nevada is sort of the “happenin” place in Ely. When the 6 story Hotel opened in 1929 it was the tallest building in the state and the first fire proof building.  Prohibition was still in effect back then but bootleg refreshments and gambling were available 24 hours a day.  Holla.

One of the best things about Nevada?  Brothels and prostitutes. Hell yes.  Brothels and prostitutes aren’t legal EVERYWHERE in Nevada.  But there sure as fuck legal in ELY!  

The first brothel we stopped at was The Green Lantern, which is now closed..

Let me tell you a little bit about the Big 4 Ranch…

The Big 4 is the ORIGINAL brothel of Nevada. THE O.G!  It has been in operation since 1880(holy shit) and is home to the “sexiest ladies in Nevada”.  Apparently they have it all; a bar, v.i.p spa, deluxe rooms, suites, and a store. 

The first thing I noticed about the Big 4 was the huge ass sign that said “Ladies Welcome”…my dad took a picture of me in front of the sign…

…yes, we are a classy bunch.

…my dad and I were busy talking about maybe having a father-daughter visit to the brothel, when a blonde lady emerged from the door and invited us inside.  I couldn’t have been any more fucking excited.

Now, here I am, sitting with my dad at the bar in Nevada’s oldest brothel..how could this get any better you ask?  How about a tour, by a prostitute?  How about she actually lets me take pictures?  Yes please!  The only downside is that its dark as fuck in this place and I kept having to adjust my settings on my swanky ass camera, so a lot of the photos are noisy and a good amount of them didn’t even come out, professional photographer fail!  But I’m posting them anyway..

This dude grew up in the bay area, and is obviously representin’ for the niners! Holla!

Oh, and they have a menu.  A $5 menu.   

And now, after the brothel, some pictures of my new baby brother!

Peace out bitches!

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